he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
