So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize