i barfeds in our rink
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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