dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
