dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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