I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize