Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
