I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
a search helicopter?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The air was thick with penises
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
