check it out our google latitudes are spooning
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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