It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
