it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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