Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
