Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
