The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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