He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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