Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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