I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
