I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
