White coat. Heels.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
