You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
