I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
