i may or may not be watching the land before time
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
