Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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