69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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