im six kinds of drunk right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Houston, we have a blender
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
