He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't deserve a penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
