He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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