gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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