how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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