and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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