so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
