she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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