a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
