I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
