If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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