I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
