I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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