Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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