wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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