I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
