My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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