Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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