you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Text me some of your sweat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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