1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
