My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
