john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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