my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
