Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
