I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
