We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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