Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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