Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
