What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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