i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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