First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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