I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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