I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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