2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
