dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
