i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.