Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here