it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
