Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.