I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT