you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year