her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
