I hate your face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
