I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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