Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
