Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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