I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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